by Marciano Paroy Jr.

            Have you ever felt hollow? Have you knocked on yourself and what you got was a deafening echo of your angst? Have you looked into your inner being and what you saw was a blinding void?

            Do you feel that everything is a reflection of your emptiness? And that no matter what you do to fill this up, the vast space only broadens, until even your horizon gets lost?

            When was the last time you asked yourself if you’re happy and the answer was sincerely positive? Why don’t you even have the strength now to lie and claim bliss? Are you alone? Why is it that regardless of the company you surround yourself with, you still feel alone? Why is it that all your efforts to branch out and correlate with others remain to be futile? Is it all because you were headstrong and can never be flexible?

            Why have you simply watched things as they moved on when you could have joined in the flow?

            What is chaos? And what is order? Being stuck in this mess, how could you have a clear idea of what peace of mind is? Is it merely silence? Or detachment from reality? Does it simply involve putting on an uncaring attitude? Or temporarily embracing insanity? What des it take to draw the line between the reasonable and the irrational?

            What have drawn you into this seemingly endless search for answers to questions that don’t even make sense? Where are you headed? Worse, where have you started? What is the root of all things? Are you in this journey towards uncertainty because of the pain you have inflicted on others? If you admitted your faults, will you be freed from guilt and be able to breath again? Does it matter what mistakes you have committed if you promise never to make them again?

            But what if you decided to be stubborn and pretend to be immune from pain? Will you b punished further? Is this retribution? Are we being judged by what we do? Or who we are?

            What is happiness? What is contentment? What is real? What is plain illusion? Is this hunger for knowledge? Or mere confusion? Where is the voice of reason? Where is freedom from your own conscience?

            Are you running away from this madness? Is it because no matter how deep you try to comprehend yourself, nothing is really relevant? Why is it that no matter how diligent you become in trying to give meaning to your questions, the resounding answer is: you don’t know?

            Who is there to provide help?