Carolina de la Torre, a 26-year old student, emerged from the final exam of her 6-year law program at the University of Buenos Aires looking like a cross between couscous and chicken parmesan. Her hair was a putrid paste of mustard, mayonnaise, tomato sauce, oil, vinegar, and yerba mate. Her arms, face, and back were covered in the above mentioned ingredients plus five dozen eggs, sugar, cider, flour, and much more than a pinch of salt. Despite the mess of ingredients that were slammed, encrusted, dripping, and oozing from her body, Carolina was euphoric. She laughed and yelped with delight as eight of her friends continued to pummel her with the cheapest and messiest things they could purchase in a grocery store.
"This egg won’t crack!" exclaimed one of her friends, as another emptied an entire bag of flour onto Carolina’s head. Hardly able to see, Carolina was giggling and slipping as she dodged a shooting bottle of cider, then shuffled towards her friends to threaten them with yokey hugs.
Carolina proudly held a large white paper sign that was taped to the back of a meter stick. The sign read "Nueva Abogada," or "New Lawyer" in large blue and pink letters that had been drawn with elementary school style markers. She smiled impishly and posed with the sign for all of her friends, coquettishly encouraging them to kiss her face, which at this point resembled a Jackson Pollock.
Within minutes, an old red station wagon pulled up with “Felicitaciones!” written all over the windows. More of her friends jumped out of it, and though festive and anxious for a full night of partying, they made it clear that wherever they ended up going, Carolina would be riding in the trunk. Between the third and fourth rounds of mate and mustard, Martin Castro, a fellow lawyer and good friend of Carolina’s explained that this was a tradition in Argentina that was expected by all of the students on their last day of exams before graduation. Castro had managed to escape the mess on his final day by running away, but the majority of students, including Carolina, were prepared with slop clothes and looking forward to it.
Despite having cowered from the tradition on his final day, Martin was the most enthusiastic egg-thrower at the scene, roguishly attacking Carolina from behind as she was posing for pictures. Instead of hurling the eggs at her, Martin would forcefully crack them directly over her head as if preparing a steak tartar. "Tengo la cara toda dura!" she exclaimed while trying to feel her cheeks. "Y me pesa el pelo!" she added, attempting to shift her hair from one side of her body to the other. Formerly long, brown, and smooth, it had become scaly, stiff, and intractable.
This one-sided food fight in which Carolina and a few fellow graduates were the only targets went on for about 30 minutes as more people kept arriving with shopping bags full of "ammunutrition." While the last bags of sugar and bottles of oil were emptied, Carolina explained to inquisitive relatives how she planned to use her law degree. Ducking from the final squirts of mustard and drizzles of tomato sauce, she mentioned that social and environmental issues were among her prime interests, though one would never guess that by looking around. As supplies ran out, Carolina’s friends started discussing where they would head next to continue the festivities. They put a white tissue on her head to absorb the remaining egg and helped her into the caboose of the red wagon. By this point, the entire staircase in front of the university was flooded with what resembled a lake of cake batter. In the distance, a janitor with a very large hose approached, prepared to force all the gooey remnants down the sewer and leave the scene clean before the next session of exams on the following day.
As the red station wagon pulled away, Carolina sat mummified and alone in the back seat, wrapped in black trash bags that her friends had provided to keep the car clean. Cold, gooey, and immobile, Carolina asked to be taken to the nearest shower. “Only just dubbed a lawyer,” said the driver, turning to Carolina in the back seat with a smirk, “and already a slimeball.”