Planning an interfaith wedding can be pretty daunting, more so than an interracial wedding. Interracial weddings are much easier due to the acceptance of the parents on both the bride and groom’s sides. What also helps if they’re of the same faith. In the duration of my life, I’ve been to two interfaith weddings. Both weddings were weddings of my uncles’. The first wedding was that of my Uncle Hien whose wife is Vietnamese and American Caucasian. Of course they’re both Asian; however, my uncle is born and raised a Buddhist whereas my aunt is born and raised a Roman Catholic.
I was only ten years old and I didn’t know a thing about interfaith weddings. I was living with my grandparents at the time with my Uncle Tim living with us as well. Uncle Hien and Aunt Trang were living together in a house. Months before they got married, they had to have a meeting with the Catholic Church that my aunt goes to. It was basically a bunch of rules my uncle had to follow and all that jazz. The religious politics can be pretty tricky regarding interfaith weddings. A wedding that’s interfaith and interracial can be pretty complicated. But the complications are definitely worth it if both partners love each other regardless of ethnicity and faith.
Unlike the typical weddings, interfaith weddings take more timing and precise planning. It’s definitely no cake walk from what I’ve heard and read. In the situation with my aunt and uncle, that was definitely no exception. The planning needs to be painstaking and you cannot make any mistakes. Weddings are expensive left alone interfaith weddings. So it means you only have one shot and one shot only. Financially, you cannot afford to mess up with an interfaith wedding. Especially when the age of having your parents paying for the wedding is almost long dead. Accomodating laws in various faiths can get costly. For anybody planning an interfaith wedding, start saving up.
Remember, the bride is going to have the most say in the wedding. In most cases, how the wedding is planned and structured will revolve around the bride and her family. So best thing you can do is a groom is sit back and leave the bride to all the planning. When it comes to weddings and receptions, the bride is going to get ultra territorial. Take the time if you’re not familiar with your wife’s faith is to read up on it and educate yourself on it. It’ll show that your bride to be and her family that you’re willing to go the extra mile. Going the extra mile shows that you love her. Wedding’s going to mainly revolve around the bride’s faith.
The best thing is to talk things over. Have your family and the bride to be’s family together. That way they can get to know each other. However, make the place at a neutral setting such as a restaurant. If the bride or groom’s family are Jewish, pick the restuarant carefully. Muslim’s don’t eat pork but their dietary habits are bit more relaxed than Jewish kosher dietary laws. Neutral grounds are usually the best places to discuss interfaith weddings that way you both will be on equal ground.
The planning process is the first and most important step when having interfaith weddings. Which is why it’s imperative that the bride and groom have their parents get together. That’s the first step. Once you get out of the way, next thing is to decide of what customs you’re going to bring to the wedding. Basically keep the most important customs in and leave the not so important customs out. Then again, the importance of the customs depends from one person to another. The customs are going to play a huge role in both the wedding ceremony and the reception. While you’re engaged, take the time to observe each other’s faiths. You’ll want to get as much information down between the time you’re engaged and the set date of the wedding.
The other important factor is the location of where the wedding is going to be held. For interfaith weddings, it’s best to have the wedding and reception on neutral grounds. Location is one thing that’s going to have to be talked out and negotiated upon. Most receptions are held in convention halls and restaurants. However, if the wedding is to be held on holy ground it should be carefully thought out and talked out by both sides. Keep in mind, you can’t satisfy everybody. And you shouldn’t. The wedding is about your happy day, not theirs. You’re just sharing your happiness with your friends and relatives. Don’t worry about the incoming backlash. For people that are going to give you trouble for an interfaith wedding, tell them they don’t have to show if they don’t want to.
Normally, I’m not surprised to see marriages where one spouse is Catholic and the other is Buddhist. Most Vietnamese families are raised either Buddhist or Catholic. While Chinese families are raised either Buddhist, Catholic, or Protestant. Around winter of ’98, my other uncle got married. He too is Vietnamese but his wife is American. He’s raised a Buddhist and she’s raised a Methodist. To me, I thought this was going to get pretty interesting.
However they opted to have an American style wedding with the ceremony taking place in a Protestant church. My uncle agreed to all of this due to him being "Americanized" and wanting to make nice with the bride’s family. Be very careful about who agrees to fund your wedding and reception. That can pretty much hinder what you want to do. Best way to go at it is to save up. Whatever money your family gives you, save it all up.
If you can afford it, you could try having two different wedding ceremonies and two different receptions. Keep in mind that if both spouses are of different nationality and ethnicity, that too will play a huge role on interfaith weddings. Certain faiths are tied into various cultures and customs.
There’s definitely a lot to think and meditate on when having an interfaith wedding. You can’t have one just out of the blue. Also, interfaith weddings are not to be rushed other. Each interfaith wedding is different meaning each one has to be handled as delicately as possible. There’s a lot to think about that could deter many from having an interfaith wedding ceremony. But think of one word, "love." Love will drive weddings. But at the same time, plan wisely and intelligently.
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