Satire
AND ‘NORMALCY’ RETURNS TO KASHMIR!
With 2012 being declared the ‘most peaceful’ year since eruption of militancy in Kashmir and a number of districts recording, what in police parlance is euphemistically called ‘zero incidents of militancy related violence’, things were getting a bit too dull and monotonous. And this had everyone worried- the mandarins in New Delhi looking after the J&K Desk were seen staring blankly at the walls while nervously twiddling pencils in their hand and not knowing what to do. The condition of the Army Generals was no better and they were frantically rushing in and out of their specially created ‘war rooms’, working overtime to try and figure out how to defend the continued imposition of Armed Forces Special Powers Act (AFSPA) in Kashmir where militancy levels were rapidly declining.
The public, which had led an action filled life- participating in hartals to protest against atrocities committed by the security forces, pelting stones, being subjected to incessant checks and searches, or closeted in their homes, shivering and praying while security forces bombarded the house next door where militants were holed- up, now found that they had nothing to do. And out of sheer boredom, when they looked around, they found to their horror that while they were busy in their quest for ‘azadi’, vagabonds, drug peddlers, spurious medicines and fake mendicants had firmly established their writ amongst their midst. So, they turned to the Police for help, but years of employment in anti- militancy operations as well as agitation- control and curfew enforcement tasks had made them forget their basic policing duties, and they were finding it extremely difficult to meet the public demand for restoring law and order in society and apprehending these criminals.
The separatists found that in the absence of clashes between the militants and the security forces, drawing the attention of the international community to atrocities committed by security forces was becoming difficult. And since there was a perceptible decline in the number of incidents of both militant and civilian casualties as well as damage to houses, arrests and detention, calling for hartals to protest against the same too was posing a big problem. Retired Army Generals and diplomats as also Kashmir ‘specialists’ and analysts, who were once flooded with requests to wax eloquence on the ‘idiot box’, had stopped receiving invitations to TV talk shows and journalists specialising in covering militancy related activities now found themselves unemployed and fretting that they might soon lose their jobs.
The lack of any ‘meaningful’ militant activity also made the mainstream political parties extremely edgy, as they were apprehensive that this could well pave the way for a ‘gradual withdrawal’ of AFSPA. And since this was just what Omar Abdullah was advocating, the opposition parties feared that if this comes to pass, then the National Conference would certainly emerge as a sure winner in the upcoming elections. While the opposition was experiencing sleepless nights thinking about this eventually, the Chief Minister himself was faring no better. For he knew very well that once AFSPA was removed and the euphoria of its removal had subsided, the public would start asking for ‘sadak’ (road), ‘pani (water) and ‘bijli’ (electricity) and the very thought made him shudder as he had done absolutely nothing about all this at all!
When all seemed but lost, then as if by divine intervention, militants suddenly reappeared on the scene. And thanks to the recent upsurge in militant attacks, everyone has now heaved a sigh of relief. The policy makers in New Delhi are back to their jobs, glad that the spurt in militant activities has finally given them the much-required reasons to justify the repressive measures that have been enforced in Kashmir. Mandarins at the Ministry of External Affairs are relived since resurgence of militancy has provided them with the much-needed ammunition to attack Pakistan if Nawaz Sharif does not ‘behave’. The Generals are also a happy lot now as an ‘enhanced’ militant threat automatically means that AFSPA stays put in Kashmir and so, there is no need to worry about the likelihood of its removal anymore.
The Police too are happy to be back on their anti- militancy and crowd- controlling duties, where there is no accountability. And the best part is that they now also have a clear conscience as they don’t have to face public ire for failing to curb crime and bring the offenders to book. This is because the public having once again got busy in ‘azadi’ related activities, obviously doesn’t have the time or inclination to worry about relatively less important issue like waywardness, immorality and crime which are permeating into the society. The vagabonds and criminals too have heaved a sigh of relief, as they can now go about freely indulging in their nefarious activities without the fear of either public resentment or Police interference.
The main- stream politicians are also happy with the recent turn of events- the opposition is at ease on the AFSPA revocation issue, as they know that Omar Abdullah’s proposal for its revocation will now not work out. The Chief Minister himself is a relieved man as he does not have to worry about the ‘sadak- pani- bijli’ problem anymore. Retired Army Generals, diplomats and military analysts have recovered from their depression and are eagerly looking forward to appearing in TV shows and journalists are delighted and reassured that now they won’t lose their jobs. In short, resurgence of militancy in Kashmir has once again ushered in the type of ‘normalcy’ we are all used to and brought cheers back into the lives of people from all walks of life. No wonder, people across the entire spectrum, irrespective of the side to which they belong, have just one wish on their lips- ‘long live the ‘armed resistance’!