In the words of Poonam Bagai a Cancer Survivor and Founder of CanKids…KidsCan NGO for Cancer Kids
A little boy from Rajasthan called Piyush who stayed with me the longest, he used to play music, I called to the ward at that time, and he said he wanted to learn the synthesizer while he was under treatment of Cancer. And one day he sent a message Poonam Mam, please come I have learnt a song, I want to play for you and I walked in and the song he played was my favourite song from the movie Kal ho naa ho, I don’t know how, I guess its just by chance, but he played the Kal ho naa ho song and that epitomized my belief and that’s why I celebrate every single day of my life. That was an instant connect with Piyush, I love all my children by the way I could love millions of children. If you leave any child with me for 3 months, I love them like my own. So that was special. Than there was a time when we set guitar lessons for him with a British friend of mine who used to come but than he was too sick to learn, so he just used to listen when she play guitar.
Concurrently there was a girl 22 year old called Surbhi, who had Thyroid Cancer, and my brother and sister are both Piyush and Surbhi, so there names or I don’t know, but there was something which bonds me with them. I still remember Piyush died and I prepared 2 days before, we knew he was going and his parents, his mother everybody knew he was going than I spent that evening in the hospital and I remember those evenings when I was ill, evenings used to be terrible. Evenings in a Hospital can be very said, because they switch off the lights.
Few days later I think Surbhi was also……. We didn’t think Surbhi was going to go, we thought she was doing well, but she kept calling and sending messages saying please tell poonam aunty to come and see me and I told her Mom “ Yes I will come” and I was driving home, I don’t what happened I crossed AIIMS and I was way passed I said OK I need to see Surbhi and I promised her and I need to go back, so I turned the car around and It was evening by then I saw her and the way she was gone. One thing that I really struggle with even today is the time when my children go away and the days it will stop hurting me I will think I have become too hard to what I am doing today, and may be I would need a vacation that time. How can you not be said, when somebody dies.
Many times when you get closed to them, they want you to spend time with them and they specially want you to come and there is so much to do that I try my best to do and say Ok this child, Neha has called or mona has called and sometimes when they go in live far away it’s a real challenge to go and see them. Sometimes I say Ok I will come tomorrow and If I am not able to make it, it’s just a horrible feeling “Oh I couldn’t meet the child”. Bu I try my best and a lot of times it works because philosophy of my life is there is no tomorrow, whatever you have to do, do it today. 3 or 4 babies of mine are gone, when I told them I will come but I couldn’t go.
I think that’s the real challenge of creating an organization which is getting bigger and bigger there is less and less time to do the simpler stuff. When I was sick and I got better, I promised myself that for the rest of my life I will do simple volunteering work, and simple volunteering work means sit on a “chatai” and play with the kids, sit with the parents and talk to them. And when you running an organization which is getting bigger everyday you are so caught up with management, HR problems and growing it and volunteering is simple and meaningful too.
Childhood is a moment of desires, wishes, and imaginings of eternal possibilities. However for children with cancer it is not less than a battle. Children face it with undaunted bravery and approval of their situation that humbles us. These children are a motivation in their capability to put aside their pain and grief and make the finest of whatever life has to put forward. We have much to be taught from them
I am getting huge support from my friends and relatives, a lot of my friends have joined CanKids… and doing various works here. My own kids Akram and Angad are very much involved, I have my own support sytem . Akram’s job is to give me 20 hugs everyday when he sees Iam feeling a little low or anything. Initially my mother in law used to say “why are taking your children to the cancer hospital” I used to tell her listen that is what I do and if that is the reality of it then they need to see it.
I remember last year on Akram’s Birthday other than there own parties we do it for cancer bachaas, we had gone to give kids the return presents to the ward and Akram really didn’t want to go and some kids were getting DNC shots a bonemarrow expedition and it hurts like hell, so Akram was telling his brother I don’t like this its really hurting to see the child crying and Angad said to him that Its his pain and your there to take his pain away not there to feel his pain and start crying and I heard that I said OK my kids are getting the right way and that was important.