Love happens, and breakups happen too. Neither is predicable, neither can be taken as life-long. One may fall out of love and move on, like Imran Khan and Jemima Goldsmith, but hatred need not be the necessary fallout. In fact, Jemima was the first person whom Imran contacted when he was placed under house arrest in Pakistan. The lady responded by quickly organising a “free Imran campaign” in London. Bollywood actors Sanjay Dutt and Madhuri Dixit likewise were once involved with each other and are now married to different people, but remain fond of each other. When Madhuri appeared on Karan Johar’s show, Sanjay spoke very highly of her.
Chennai-based relationship counselor Arundhati Swamy says, “If the breakup is mutual and amicable then the friendship is likely to continue. Both need to be comfortable with it, and also take into account the feelings of a present partner, if any.” Remarks TV actress Rajeshwari, “I think it’s perfectly fine to be friends with your ex because you know each other so well! It would be the most comfortable thing to go back to the one you loved and trusted in the first place.”
Her husband and TV actor Varun Badola agrees, “Just because your relationship has come to an end doesn’t mean that you kill it as well. There are some people who are destined to be just good friends and not husband and wife. It’s a very individual thing.” It could actually be a sign of maturity to wipe your slate clean and adjust to new equations. Bitterness has never helped anyone heal. Says TV actor Sharad Kelkar, “Parting on good terms would be the mature and sensible thing to do. If you have grudges still, avoid the person without being vindictive. I have my life — you are not my girlfriend or wife any more; I’ll just look at the positive in you and that’s it.”
His actress wife Kirti Kelkar responds that one doesn’t need to intentionally go out of the way to maintain good relations. “If it ends up that way, very good, because it shows you have moved on and are ok with what happened in the past, but if the trauma of the breakup still haunts you then it is okay too to just avoid each other.”
But it is not as simple as it sounds. New relationships can enter the picture and add more facets to existing ones. Says counselor Arundhati, “You need to look at it in a larger perspective. What role does the friendship play in your life — is it an emotional dependency? The moment there are unmet needs in the relationship, they can change the whole complexity.” She concludes, “It is not about carrying hatred, it is about resolving issues within yourself. Let the healing happen and move on.” And if you can stay friends, great!
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