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Creating the “Essential Ten” Qualities for an Emotionally Healthy Relationship

When it comes to dating everyone is looking to find or create the perfect relationship. In order for that to happen the relationship needs what I call in my book, the “Essential Ten.” Those are Acceptance, Affection, Appreciation, Approval, Attention, Comfort, Encouragement, Respect, Security, and Support.

Does this sound like your current, or any of your past relationships? If it doesn’t that’s probably because you were not looking for them. Although everyone would like those, what they look for in a partner is usually much different. The top qualities seem to be physical attraction, confidence or security in self, a sense of humor, excitement/fun, financial security, and a little bit of unpredictability. Now does that sound more like what you were looking for? Don’t get me wrong, all those things are important, but without the others you could wind up with an abuser, cheater, sociopath, and so many other types that might just have a bit of charm, but certainly not someone you want to be dating.

Now you might be thinking, “Anyone who is offering that is already taken.” I can tell you from years of relationship coaching that this is not true. Part of that is because, adults often do not naturally offer those qualities, they learn to offer them. So in many cases a person needs to mature to get to that point and this is usually inspired by someone they love who offers those, or by wanting to create a better relationship then they’ve had.

If you are not believing this is possible for you, then what you have is what I call in my book, a “Negative Self-Fulfilling Prophecy.” That is when you are so sure of something that you actually create, manifest, and find evidence to believe a certain something that continues to come true in your life. This is deadly in a relationship! Examples of this are someone who says, “All men cheat.” Or “All women are bitchy.” And what do they get? Exactly that. But what we are talking about here is finding an extraordinary relationship and what it will require if you don’t already have that, is some extraordinary thinking. With an awareness of offering the essential ten qualities, you will inspire the right person to do the same. Let go of your negative thoughts for 30 days and see where it takes you. The idea behind your self-fulfilling prophecy is that you are “protecting” yourself but the result is the opposite. It’s no different than walking around wearing armor all day. You might have an extra layer of protection but think of what the lack of mobility will force you to miss out on.

Now if you’re thinking, “I wish I had those in my current relationship,” then the best thing you can do to get them, is to offer them. The quickest way to get anything you want in a relationship is by offering it to your partner. One of the great contradictions of a relationship is that although we all want those things, how many people do you know that offer all of them? And if they do, I’ll bet their relationship looks great. And don’t use the chicken and the egg theory saying, “If he/she gave those to me, I would give them back.” That is an excuse that keeps you from the happiness that you want. Take a leap for your own happiness and genuinely offer them so that you can get them.

More on this can be found in my book, “The Power of Personality Types in Love and Relationships.” (www.amazon.com/Power-Personality-Types-Love-Relationships/dp/0989337707/)

For more  information, visit: http://www.TheArtofUnity.com

Bill Farr: Billy Farr is the author of, “The Power of Personality Types in Love and Relationships,” a wellness coach, and an instructor in various forms of meditation. As a student of Western Psychology, Shamanism, Chi Gong and other forms, Bill teaches the connection of mind, body, and spirit and how that relates to everyday life and relationships
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