Putdowns for day-2-day use:
A sharp tongue does not mean you have a keen mind
Are you always this stupid or are you making a special effort today
Brains aren’t everything. In fact in your case they’re nothing
Don’t let you mind wander – it’s far too small to be let out on its own
He always finds himself lost in thought – it’s an unfamiliar territory
He doesn’t know the meaning of the word "fear" – but then again he doesn’t know the meaning of most words
I don’t know what makes you so dumb but it really works
Dissing peoples faces:
She has the sort of charm that rubs off with tissues and cold cream.
The only justification she has for calling herself highbrow is that she’s had her face lifted so many times.
When they said she had a face like a saint they could only have meant a St. Bernard.
A vastly overweight woman, all cheeks and chins, told Groucho Marx:
‘I just adore nature.’
‘That’s loyalty,’ he replied, ‘after what nature did to you.’
Teasing people with how old they really are:
These days he just exhausts himself grappling with temptation.
She could age herself by twenty years just by telling the truth
It takes him longer to rest these days than it does to get tired.
Forty’s been a difficult age for her to get past. In fact it’s taken seven years to the best of my knowledge.
Insulting others special day (e.g: Birthday!)
‘I was born between twelve and one o’clock on 1st January, isn’t that strange?’ said one proud fool to John Wilkes.
‘No not at all,’ Wilkes answered, ‘you could only have been conceived on 1st April.’
To her way of thinking birthdays are occasions when her husband takes a day off and she takes a year off.
She always remembers her age exactly — she ought to, it’s been the same since she was thirty-nine.
She’s finally admitted her age, though she forgot to say how many years ago she reached it.
I always say that the best years of a woman’s life are the ten years between thirty and thirty-one.