Part of being human includes the need to be social, and hence we are so, by nature. Most of us bask in the sense of community and spending quality time with others. At the core of such connectedness, lies clear and open communication.
Communication, a simple human act allows us to both give and receive encouragement, kindness, and understanding. By talking and listening deeply to each other, we send out waves of healing because when we ventilate to a compassionate friend, we are also releasing stress.
Yet, communication also holds the power to deliver harm. We are all familiar with angry exchanges between friends and lovers that can leave us feeling devastated.
Every couple has experienced the painful detachment that results after serious misunderstandings. However, couples can learn the that even though the spoken word can be a double-edged sword, the basics of communication can be learned, so that we can convey what we really mean to say to our loved one.
Dr. Karen Gail Lewis, Ph.D., author of Why Don’t You Understand? A Gender Relationship Dictionary that teaches couples how to improve interpersonal communication.
"In light of the PBS series ‘This Emotional Life,’ America’s mind is tuned to learning ways to foster well-being, which can include clearing up communication between the sexes. Couples often get into horrific entanglements — without understanding how they got there. They may start off with a simple question that, with no discernible explanation, erupts into an argument. One of them may walk out of the room, yell or go silent, which only inflames the other’s feelings. How does this happen? Sometimes, it’s as simple as one not accurately hearing what the other says, but reacting based on what was erroneously heard. Sometimes, it’s not recognizing that men participate better in a conversation if they are posed with a question or a problem to solve. A general comment, like women often make, leaves them waiting to hear what is expected of them. It can end up with her talking, his waiting for a question, her getting angry that he is not responding, his then getting angry at her for getting angry at him and the cycle continues." she said.
Dr. Lewis also emphasizes how vital it is for married couples to schedule and have productive date nights. She said the Obamas make date night a priority, and encourage couples to follow suit. "Too many couples shy away from time alone — away from the kids. Excuses of ‘no money for a baby sitter,’ ‘too much work’ and ‘some day, but not now’ may be a cover for the reality that going out together is not always pleasant. There are guidelines couples can follow that can lead to fun, closeness and a desire to engage in the activity more often. Creating a taboo list — or a list of topics that cannot be discussed during the couple’s time together such as work, finances or children — is most helpful. If any taboo issues are raised, couples can dispel further discussion by making up a code word to refer to the issue such as eggplants, or Mickey Mouse, and so forth," she said.
To learn more, visit: http://www.genderdictionary.com
Leave Your Comments