"Some July days in the Hudson Valley, you can watch a puddle evaporate and become a cloud."
– Emily Bradstreet

Ask Sparrow

Occasionally in this column, the feature "Ask Sparrow" appears, in which anyone may demand solutions to apparently hopeless questions.

Dear Sparrow:

Is it acceptable to hold hands on the first date?

Perplexed In Chichester

Dear P. I. C.:

Yes, you may hold hands on the first date — but only with yourself!  Here’s how it’s done: take your left hand in your right hand (or vice versa) and hold it gently but firmly.  Every so often, you may give your hand a squeeze — but do not caress it!

On the third date, you may hold the other person’s hand.

Sparrow

T-shirt:

WHAT PART OF "I’M SOCIOPATHIC"
DON’T YOU UNDERSTAND?

Mirror-vegetables

"Eggplants are the most reflective vegetables," opines Mel O’Gradden.  "You can see yourself quite clearly in one.  My dad would always point to the eggplants in his garden and say, ‘I’m growing mirrors.’"

A Letter

Dear "Sparrow":

Have you ever seen a man inside a nail salon?  I haven’t.  Not even a delivery boy.

H. M.

Shandaken Poetry Patrol

If

If I
hadn’t
written
this
poem,
what
poem
would
I have
written?

– Paul Josef

Virgins

Many pets
are
virgins.

– Martha V. Klerson

Interview with a Collector

I spoke to Nick Strawly, a collector of rubber bands.

Sparrow: I understand you collect rubber bands. 

Strawly: Yes, but only seven.

Sparrow: Only seven?

Strawly: Only seven at one time.

Sparrow: Why is that? 

Strawly: My uncle Lou was a gambler.  He impressed on me the importance of numbers — especially the number seven.  I remember walking around with him once on July 7.  (Of course, that’s "7/7.")  Uncle Lou was exhilarated by the date.  We visited his bookie — back then, gamblers still had bookies — and Uncle Lou bet the number 7701.  "Why 7701?" I asked.  "The ’01’ indicates the importance of this bet," Lou explained.  "It’s like saying, ‘This is the first bet of my life.’"  That’s why I collect seven rubber bands.

Sparrow: Which rubber bands are your favorites?

Strawly: I like large, loose bands.  Those small thick ones — that come around broccoli — scare me.  But I also love the rubber bands postal workers carry.  There’s a standard size, 4" X 1/4", used by all post offices.  In major cities, you see them on sidewalks — usually they’re quite clean.  Apparently postwomen and postmen drop them indiscriminately.

Sparrow: Where do you keep your collection?

Strawly: On the doorhandle to my pantry door.  Rubber bands belong around a doorhandle.

Sparrow: What do you think of rubber band-balls?  You know, people who save rubber bands by shaping them into a ball?

Strawly: Those are vulgar.

Sparrow: And what do you use your collection for?

Strawly: Where to begin?  Rubber bands have so many purposes! They’re best with paper, though, I believe.  Stacks of letters, if they’re not too thick.  A rolled-up poster or map is well-bound by rubber.  Sometimes I wear one around my wrist, as a humble bracelet.

Did you see the cloud shaped like a half-eaten mango over Pine Hill last Thursday?

"I no longer paint circles.  Now I paint the circumference of spheres."

– Jasper Johns

 

 

Kindly Blind Items

 

"Heard By A Bird" (this column) is known for its "good gossip."  This is largely because the people of Shandaken are so benign.  Occasionally, we feature "Kindly Blind Items."  (A "blind item" is a sentence, usually interrogative, which names no one.)  Here are some new ones:

 

Which electrical contractor dearly loves his wife?  Which first grade teacher has lovely dimples?  Which bass player brushes his teeth three times a day?  Which insurance adjuster secretly collects thimbles?

 

 

My friends are listening to the lo-fi slumber-rock band Pythagoras And The Triangles.

 

 

Bumper sticker:

 

BUSH PLAYS

THE LYRE

 

 

Ask Sparrow

 

"Ask Sparrow" is an occasional feature of this column, where utterly bewildered individuals beg for assistance.

 

Dear Sparrow;

 

In your May 24 column, one "S.B."writes of having discovered that their stove bears a mysterious marking identifying it as having or using or being an "Accubake System." Our stove too has such an identifier. The words themselves incorporate a small crosshairs-type logo, intended I suppose, to indicate precision in some manner, though what it graphically conveys is the concept "targeting." That I imagine, must be good for a stove.

 

Years ago I remember reading that folks at Raytheon back in the 1950’s accidentally invented the microwave while trying to create the next generation military weapon. They also discovered it wasn’t a good idea to point it at a dog. Does this have something to do, do you think, with the Accubake System?

 

Blue F-150 in Chichester

 

 

Dear Blue F,

 

The problem you and I shared — until recently — is that neither of us possessed the 372 page Accubake System Manual, which explains the niceties of our stoves.  Luckily, I was able to purchase one through eBay, and now I realize the full implications of our food-preparation appliances.  Accubaking is a scientific breakthrough on the level of nuclear fission.  Properly handled, our ovens can literally transform molybdenum into helium, while simultaneously baking two cherry pies!

 

Sparrow

 

 

Did you see the cloud resembling a pitcher of root beer over Mount Tremper last Thursday?

 

 

A bumper sticker:

 

            SUPPORT THE TROOPS:

            KICK A REPUBLICAN

 

 

Shandaken Poetry Free-for-All

 

Forget How to Write

 

Forget how to write,

I told myself.

 

Just lie in bed and listen

to the birds sing.

 

Then do what they do:

make chattering squeals.

 

– Rodney Hargrave

 

 

 

Movie Rights

 

I

will

sell

the

movie

rights

to

this

poem

for

$200.

 

– Isabel Blurne

 

 

 

A Letter

 

Dear Heard by Some Bird:

 

Today I was ladling out my lentil-barley soup when I found an ant on the bottom of the pot.  Not a dead ant, but a living one — who was apparently equipped for breathing underwater.  She walked out of the ladle, onto my kitchen counter.

 

"Andy"

 

 

Bumper sticker:

 

YOU ARE WHAT

YOU EAT — PLUS

EVERYTHING ELSE

 

 

Inventive Grandfather

 

"My grandfather, August Hansell, invented an air conditioner that was also a lamp," Tony Hansell told me.  "But, sadly, no one needed an air conditioner/lamp.  Only three were built."

"All music in the U.S.A. is too loud."
– Brian Eno

A Letter

Dear Sparrow & Co.:

My daughter pointed out that the Olive Free Library sounds like it means "a library without olives."

J. B.

Did you see the cloud resembling a striped beach towel over Mount Tremper last Thursday?

My friends recommend the strident Brit-emo band Bipolar Icecaps.

A Visit With Emily Kirkus

I was told Emily Kirkus had an interesting household in Mount Tremper, so I arranged to visit her.  I arrived on a Tuesday afternoon.  Immediately, a calico cat rubbed against my shin.

Sparrow: This is your pet?

Kirkus: Yes, we have two rescue cats.  This one’s Jaime, and Sort-of is hiding.

Sparrow: Did you say "Sort-of"?

Kirkus: That’s her name.  When we rescued her, she was sort of small and sort of big, sort of gray and sort of white, sort of noisy and sort of quiet.  So she evolved into "Sort-of."

Sparrow: Where did you find the cats?

Kirkus: At a shelter in Kingston.  Would you like to see our rescue plants?

Sparrow: Certainly!  I didn’t know there was such a category.

Kirkus: Here are our rescue roses.  Sentinel Bank in Boiceville ripped them out, and threw them in a dumpster.  I got there just in time.

Sparrow: I love the pink ones.

Kirkus: [Moving indoors.]  And here is our rescue typewriter.

Sparrow: It’s so old!

Kirkus: As far as I can tell, it’s from 1959.

Sparrow: It’s a Remington, I see.

Kirkus: Yes.  This model is the "Intrepid."  It has a double-bell.

Sparrow: What’s a double-bell?

Kirkus: When you reach the right margin, two bells rang at once.  But don’t worry, it’s not too noisy.

Sparrow: What do you use your rescue typewriter for?

Kirkus: Letters.  As much as everyone appreciates a handwritten letter today, a message typed by a typewriter is even more beloved.

Sparrow: You’re absolutely right.  Well, I should be going…

Kirkus: Before you leave, would you like some rescue tea?

Sparrow: Rescue tea?

Kirkus: A friend of mine, Abby, works in a local supermarket — I won’t say the name.  She gave us this tea.  The store was about to throw it away.  I guess it’s a few months old.

Sparrow: Sure.

Kirkus: It’s surprisingly zesty.

[And it was!]

Shandaken Poetry Innovations

My will

everyone gets something
and I’m dead

– Victoria Swanson

smooshy Bottons

does the soil beneath
the smiling Flowers
want to be husky?

– DevonRose Yankowski

Followup

Do they take
earrings off of
dead people?

– Iris Sofia

Ursine Tale

"My parents split up, so I was raised by my mother, along with my sister and brother," recalls Lynn Cavey.  "Mom was protective when we were young, but as we grew up, she let us find their own way.  One day it hit me — I had the same upbringing as a bear!"

Toast Apple-Hats

Roast an apple, and slice.  Place 3 slices on a piece of buttered toast.  Add honey and a few drops of wine.

[This recipe comes from Charlotte Benoir.]

Bumper sticker:

WAIVE
THE FLAG

A Letter

Dear Sparrow:

Millennia ago, humans invented the whistle, which mimics the human whistle.  But we have never invented the burp.

A. C.

 

"God speaks to us through comic books."
– Jack Kirby

Did you see the cloud shaped like the letter H over Mount Tremper last Thursday?

A Letter

Dear Mr. Sparrow:

People are constantly asking me: "How’s it going?" and "How are you doing?"

I have finally come up with an answer: "It’s too early to tell."

A. B.

Have you heard the new Pine Hill band, Midlife Cry Sis?

Bumper sticker:

JOHN BROWN WAS
A TERRORIST

A Second Letter

Dear Señor Sparrow:

Have you ever deliberately sent a blank e-mail to someone?  Yesterday, I sent one — to my older sister — and today I am ashamed.

Anonymous In Chichester

Pea Syrup

1 cup green peas
1 Tbs honey
1/2 tsp cinnamon (optional)

Puree peas, honey and cinnamon.  Pour on fresh rice or couscous.  Serve.

[This recipe comes from Ralph Muros.]

Shoelace-Hater

"My dog Ned hates shoelaces," Susan Veedan said.  "He’s a black and white terrier.  Every night he would pull the shoelaces out of our shoes.  Now we keep our footwear atop the refrigerator."

A Third Letter

Dear Monsieur Sparrow:

"24-7" means "all the time."  A new phrase,"60-24," means "all day."  As in: "You can come over anytime Tuesday; I’ll be here 60-24."

J. D.

Bumper sticker:

I WISH I WERE
MORE BALD

A Fourth Letter

Dear Sparrow:

Yesterday, a truck drove by my house with the sign "Country Waste."  (I think it pumped out septic tanks.)  "That would be a good title for a melancholy Country song," I thought, and began to write it:

Some days, in my room,
I’ve just paced and paced.
I feel like a Country waste…

"Luke"

Bumper sticker:

I’D RATHER BE
UPSIDE DOWN

From The Art of Living Gently by Ephraim Chell:

"Every armchair has an armrest.  But how many people actually rest their arms on the armrest?

"Here is an exercise:

"Sit in your armchair.  Rest your left arm on the armrest.  Feel the restfulness of the armrest.  Allow your left arm to relax, and enjoy its position.

"Now take down your left arm, and place your right arm on the armrest.  Allow this arm also to rest.

"Now, try both arms at once.  Close your eyes, to completely feel arm-restedness.

"Vow to use the armrest two minutes a day."

Shandaken Poetry Compilation

Softness

Softness
is my brother.

– A. Beame

On Literature

Prose
helps you repose,

but poetry
lets you know a tree.

– Julia V. Andrews

Ask Sparrow

"Ask Sparrow" is an occasional feature of this column, where mystified citizens beg for answers to tricky questions.

Dear Sparrow:

Does anyone in Ulster County wear a monocle?

Pondering in Chichester

Dear Pondering:

I have seen no monocled eyes at the Kingston Mall, to be certain.

Helpfully,
Sparrow

Bumper sticker:

WARNING: I LEARNED TO
DRIVE FROM MY LITTLE SISTER

A Fifth Letter

Dear Nearly-Mighty Sparrow:

I have been living in this house for four years, and just today I noticed that on top of the stove, under the clock, is written: "Accubake System."  I’ve been Accubaking, unconsciously, since 2003!

S. B.

"’American’ is less a nationality than a diagnosis."
– Ludwig Bemelmans

Bumper sticker:

IF YOU LIKE CHENEY SO MUCH,
GO HUNTING WITH HIM!

A Letter

Dear "Bird Is the Word,"

Rock music no longer rocks.  At best, it slightly rolls.  "Indie rock" should be known as "Indie roll."

J. R.

Did you see the cloud shaped like a hairnet over Pine Hill last Tuesday?

Filling Donut-Holes

"For some reason, my mother loved to fill the holes of donuts," Will Spreiar remembers.  "Something about that space troubled her.  She would make a paste — often with health food ingredients.  We joked that the filling would counteract the effects of the donut.  Here’s one recipe:

Peanut Butter-Yeast Delight

1/2 Tbs crunchy peanut butter
1 Tbs wheat germ
1/4 tsp nutritional yeast

That should fill four or five donuts!"

Shandaken Sayings

"pan lily" – an edible lily ("Helen cooked up a nice pan lily omelet.")
"cloud friendship" – a brief, or momentary acquaintance ("Mary and I had a cloud friendship.")
"farm cologne" – smell of manure ("I notice Frank’s wearing his farm cologne today.")

A Letter

Dear Sparrow:

Have you seen the frolicking coltsfoot flowers — yellow as a baby’s bib — dotting the gray woods?  They roll out the spring, with the male robins.

V. B.

Our Poetry Handbasket

Strange Fact

"I" and "eye"
are both the
same backwards.

– Edward Compsen

My 15

My 15 minutes
of fame actually
cost me money!*

– Bethany Steen

*$245

Ferocious

"It’s been a ferocious spring, and that’s how I like ’em," Janie Estel told me.

A Second Letter

Dear bird-listener:

Did you know some ants are 12 times larger than others?  Imagine meeting a gal 58 feet high!  That’s what it’s like to be a little ant.

M. B.

Bumper sticker:

COOKIE MONSTER
SCARES ME

"Ask Sparrow" Reply

For the very first time, one of the letter-writers into the "Ask Sparrow" feature of this column has replied!  In case you forgot, Nehara posed two problems:

"My lovely husband says that i am always asking too many questions.  Is there a remedy for this condition?" 

and

"My dear friend Nicol got married in style this past weekend. The day after, we agreed that the word "wife" is extremely unappetizing. Can you help us find a better word?"

My replies were:

"There is a remedy.  Each time you are about to ask a question, breathe into a paper bag instead."

and

"Yes, the word ‘wife’ is quite limiting.  May I suggest the term ‘wedded pal’?"

Now, here is Nehara’s update:

Sparrow,

Yes, your paper bag remedy has worked wonders. Thank you.

The word "husband" also seems completely outdated.  Sometimes I like to use the term "husbitch".  While this provides me with instantaneous glee, it does not provide him with the same.

Perhaps "wedded pal" will be more pleasurable for us all.

Thank you once again.

Nehara
www.catchmebird.com

Sharing a Bath

Julia Blaiset recalls: "When I was a girl, five of us lived in a trailer.  We had a small water heater and there wasn’t much hot water, so we’d share a bath.  My mother went first, then my dad, then the kids, in age order.  I was the youngest.  My father always introduced me: ‘This is Julia; she’s the smallest and dirtiest.’"

"High school is just college for virgins."
– Booth Tarkington

Did you see the cloud shaped like gold bullion over Allaben last Wednesday?

My friends are listening to the Prog-ballet band Swimming In Threes.

A Letter

Dear Sparrow:

The biggest obstacle to human progress is the phrase "No Problem."  People wear it on T-shirts, and say it millions of times a day.  This creates the dangerous illusion that we have no Problem.

Those of us committed to helping the human race must run through the world shouting: "Problem!  Problem!"

S. B.

Bumper sticker:

HERE TOMORROW,
GONE TODAY

A Second Letter

Dear Bird That Hears,

These April snowflakes that wander down from the sky are like the ghost of snow.

A. C.

Shandaken Poetry Spree

A Realization

"Cher" is
short for
"Cherokee."

– Donald McPheel

Radical Theory

America began to
decline when people
stopped playing Bingo.

– Peggy Durmott

Interview with a New Resident

I spoke to Estelle King, who recently moved to the area.

Sparrow: How did you arrive here?

King: I was living in Morro Bay, California, and one day I begin thinking about the phrase: "Go West, young man!"  (Supposedly Horace Greeley, the New York newspaper editor, told it to a young ambitious fellow in 1853.)  I noticed that the opposite of this phrase was: "Come East, old woman!", so I took that as a sign.  I came east.

Sparrow: And you found Boiceville?

King: Yes.  I began in Maine, and started driving south.  As I traveled, I camped and hiked.  When I reached a craggy cliff in Boiceville, I suddenly felt I was home.

Sparrow: When was that?

King: Last September.

Sparrow: What is your life like here?

King: Often in the afternoon, I go kite-flying behind Onteora High School.  I have two kites: a Chinese fighting kite and a simple pink one.  Sometimes I fly the two together.  I am one of the few women who fly kites in winter.

Sparrow: Do you have any other hobbies?

King: I climb trees.  Especially a red maple one-third of the way up Mount Felder.  Some days I climb 30 feet high.

Sparrow: Is that dangerous?

King: My friends tell me, "Stop climbing those trees!" and I reply: "Trees were our homes before buildings were."

Sparrow: Is there anything else you’d like to tell our readers?

King: Actually, yes.  I’ve been rewriting Shakespeare sonnets to agitate for the impeachment of Bush.  Here is my revision of Sonnet 27:

     Weary with toil, I haste me to my bed,
     The dear repose for limbs with travail tired;
     But then begins a journey in my head
     To work my mind, when body’s work’s expired.
     For then my thoughts, from far where I abide,
     Intend a zealous pilgrimage of pain,
     And keep my drooping eyelids open wide,
     Looking on darkness where the blind remain.
     Save that my soul’s imaginary sight
     Presents a shadow in a blighted pool:
     Guantanamo, Iraq, the ghastly fight,
     Makes black night uglier, and her old face cruel.
    Unless we impeach George W., and indict
    Cheney, I may not sleep another night.

A Third Letter

Dear Sparrow:

The rural sounds most resembling warfare are snowplows and the wind.

R. T.

"I became a novelist because I hated the smell of paint."
– Herman Wouk

Did you see the cloud shaped like a truncated dodecahedron over Shandaken last Wednesday?

Bumper sticker:

I WILL MAKE PEACE MY
WAR AND I SHALL FIGHT IT

A Letter

Dear Sparrow:

Yesterday I explained to my son: "You used to see signs in dry cleaners and diners saying: ‘There Are No Strangers Here, Only Friends We Haven’t Met Yet.’  The day after September 11th, all those signs came down."

V. P.

Imitation Chinese Sesame Noodles

My daughter’s friend, Marlise Combe, visited our house and improvised a hearty Chinese-style meal.  I asked her to write down the recipe, and she did.  It follows:

1 box of Quinoa Noodles
3 wooden spoonfuls of Olive Oil
1 oz. of Soy Sauce
Few drops of Ginger Juice
2 tablespoons Peanut butter
3 tablespoons Almond butter
Some sprinkled gomasio
2 cloves garlic
Tahini poured on liberally

Cook noodles, strain.  Add everything else in any order and stir.  (Works best if olive oil is first.)

Thin Ice Winter

"This has been a winter of thin ice," observes hunter James Crobbin.  "Some nights the puddles freeze thin as a Kleenex."

Shandaken Poetry Garland

Strange Historical Fact

Pop Art and
Pop Tarts appeared
the same year.

– Mary Villers

Intimate Question

Which do you
prefer: the sky
or a ceiling?

– A. Pellace

A Letter

Dear Sparrow:

Yesterday I saw my first robin of spring — actually two robins at once, hopping on Main Street in Phoenicia.  This means, according to my grandma, that we’ll have a Double Spring.

"Andy"

Bumper sticker:

IMPEACH CHENEY
AND BUSH:
PELOSI FOR PREZ!

Interview With A Sonneteer

I spoke to Arthur Fander, a local poetess.

Sparrow: I understand you’re a poetess.

Fander: Yes.

Sparrow: But you’re a man.

Fander: I am, but nevertheless I’m a poetess.

Sparrow: How is that?

Fander: "Poet" would be the wrong word to describe me.

Sparrow: What type of poetry do you write?

Fander: Sonnets.  Would you like to hear one?

Sparrow: Certainly.

Sander: [Reads:]

The Science of Names

A name consists of two parts. The first name is
the question and the surname the answer.
To give you an example, I will choose
a name at random from the Manhattan
phone directory. Hold on for a moment.

I found one: Judith Gilbert.  (She lives at
at 545 West 103rd
Street.) "Judith" is the question. (This name
means, in Hebrew, "praised.") So the question is
"Who is praised?"  The reply is "Gilbert" (Old
French for "bright promise"). In other words, we
praise those with bright promise — which is true. See
how accurate the science of names is?
Now you go to the phonebook and try one!

Sparrow: I have a question.  Why did you use the Manhattan phonebook?

Fander: I moved up here from Manhattan in 1999, and I’ve always kept my 1999 phonebook.  It contains more possibilities than the Kingston directory.

A Second Letter

Dear "Heard by the Bird":

Did you know?  This is the quatercentenary of Shakespeare’s Antony and Cleopatra!

"Bob"

"Some are killed by war, some by exercise."

– Jacques Prevert

 

 

Bumper sticker:
 

THINK "HONK" IF YOU
LOVE TELEPATHY

 

 

Did you see the cloud resembling a stalk of barley over Pine Hill last Wednesday?

 

 

A Letter

 

Dear Sparrow:

Community theater is a wonderful institution.  It’s a shame there’s no "community literature": novels and books of essays published just for one town!

A. L.

 

 

Beard-Grabbing Wind

"The winter of 1971 had some fierce winds," Len Treppson recalls.  "One day in January, the wind blew my beard off!  I went out to chop some wood, and returned cleanshaven."

 

 

A Second Letter

 
Dear Sparrow:

Did you see the lunar eclipse last Saturday?  I stood with 14 souls on the bridge at the Ashokan Reservoir watching the primal sky-theater.  The fact that our entire earth casts a shadow — like a spoon — is frightening.

Gary

 

 

Bumper sticker:

 
THE FRENCH WERE RIGHT:
U.S. OUT OF IRAQ!

 

 

Icicle Ant

"My brother Ted found an ant frozen in an icicle one winter," Jerry Bursham recalls.  "He took the ice home and gently melted it.  The ant crawled out, still alive!  We built a little house for him, out of a cardboard box, and kept him for a week.  Then he ran away.  Ted named him ‘Mr. Frostee.’"

 

 

Shandaken Poetry Effusion

 

 

"Kneel"

 

We "kneel"

on our knees

 

but we don’t

"elbowl"

on our elbows.

 

– Mary Veggers

 

 

Why We Dream

 

Dreaming

prevents

us

from

seeing

our

ceilings.

 

-Wayne Droller

 

 

 

 

Putting Your Best Foot Forward

 I spoke to Mount Tremper resident Kitty Amberson.

 Sparrow: I understand you’re on a new diet.

 Etters: Yes; I lost 11 pounds.

 Sparrow: Can you describe the program?

 Etters: It’s called Eat With Your Feet.  It was developed by a physical therapist named Janie Boford, who’s affiliated with Duke University.

 Sparrow: How does it work?

 Etters: You basically eat with your feet — instead of your hands.  Just putting that extra effort into feeding yourself makes you more conscious of your eating habits.

 Sparrow: Can everyone actually do it?

 Etters: With a month or two of yoga and other exercises, nearly everyone can reach their mouth with their toes.  In extreme circumstances, you’re allowed to cheat — that is, to lift the food with your foot, then grab it with your hand.

 Sparrow: Do you use silverware?

 Etters: After a while, I had some success with a spoon.  Forks and knives still elude me.  Of course, you must carefully wash your feet.

 Sparrow: What about going to restaurants?

 Etters: There’s two foot-friendly restaurants: one in Berkeley, one in Chicago.  Otherwise, you’re out of luck.

 Sparrow: How does it feel, to feed yourself with your toes?

 Etters: Sensual, and strangely natural.  Our pre-human ancestors, of course, didn’t make this distinction between "feet" and "hands" that we do.  Boford recommends visiting a zoo, and watching the chimps — which I did.  For the first time in my life, I admired their gracefulness.

 

 

T-shirt:

 
I AM A NARCISSIST. IN CASE OF
EMERGENCY, BRING ME A MIRROR.

 

 

Stream Mattress

"The stream behind my house, Little Green Kill, froze last week," Sander Lemn told me.  "Then the snow fell.  Now it looks like one long mattress."