"Politics is the present tense of history."
– Arthur Schlesinger Jr.
Did you see the cloud resembling Peter Pan’s hat over Big Indian last Wednesday?
A Letter
Dear Sparrow:
Good news! Consumer spending is up, in the United States, registering a 2.2 annualized gain in the first quarter of 2009. I suspected this was happening, because I’ve seen lots of people at the Hudson Valley Mall, proudly swinging brand-new bags with names like "H & M" and "JCPenney" written on them.
Americans display these bags as if they’re bronze medals in downhill skiing from the Winter Olympics!
"Al"
Bumper sticker:
IT’S EASY BEING GREEN
A Second Letter
Mr. Sparrow, Esq.,
I saw Rory Cache, the local comedian, at the Boiceville Inn, and he made several swine flu jokes:
"Folks, I did get swine flu, and it’s my own fault — for sharing a soda with a pig!
"Really, I contracted swine flu, but only a mild case — a runny snout. My friend Larry suffered much more. He got swine hemorrhoids!"
The Jacksonian
Shandaken Poetry Party
My Kisses
My kisses
are tongue-
in-cheek.
– Patty Liliatt
Aqueous Message
"Taste me, O Pioneers,"
cried th’American lakes.
– Ben Herdly
Poetry
Poetry
is
the
handrail
on
the
Stairway
of
Life.
– Roger Darene
Interview with a Psychic
I spoke to Linda Horge, a local empathic healer.
Sparrow: I understand you practice "crystal reading."
Horge: Yes; in fact I invented it.
Sparrow: Can you explain it to me?
Horge: Various cultures have used crystals for healing for centuries. I have a diverse collection of crystals, which I deploy in various ways. In 2004, I discovered they help me read.
Sparrow: How do crystals help you read?
Horge: It’s quite simple. I hold a crystal in one hand while I read a book. This improves my concentration immensely, and I discover the "inner meaning" of the page I’m on.
Sparrow: Can you give an example?
Horge: I always liked Emily Dickinson, but I never really understood her poems until I practiced crystal reading. Suddenly I read poem number 361, and felt my whole upper torso tingling.
Sparrow: Which one is poem number 361?
Horge: Here, let me offer you a pink quartz crystal — the same one I used — and I’ll read it to you. [She hands me the crystal.]
Sparrow: Does it matter which hand I hold it in?
Horge: Which hand wants the crystal?
Sparrow: [ Pause.] I’d say my left.
Horge: Then absolutely use your left. [She pulls out the Collected Poems of Emily Dickinson and reads:]
What I can do — I will —
Though it be little as a Daffodil —
That I cannot — must be
Unknown to possibility —
Sparrow: My word! My throat feels like it’s being tickled by earthworms!
Horge: How interesting!
Bumper sticker:
I DRIVE LIKE THIS TO
KEEP YOU AWAKE
Stuffed Almonds
Bore holes in six almonds. Fill with:
.15 tsp ground dates
.05 tsp tahini
.15 tsp cream cheese
Serve on a banana leaf.
[This recipe comes from Elsie Wyeatt.]
This column was originally published in the Phoenicia Times.