"Instead of following sports, I follow religion. Every day, I read the paper to see who’s winning: the Christians or the Muslims."
– Samuel P. Huntington
Did you see the cloud shaped like a Mahjong coin over Pine Hill last Tuesday?
A Letter
Dear Monsignor Sparrow:
I try to drink as little soda as possible, to leave a small carbonated footprint.
B. T.
Bumper sticker:
THE WORLD IS ROUND;
THOMAS L. FRIEDMAN IS FLAT
Draw Beavers
"I love to draw beavers," Cecil Pollan told me. "I’ll go to the local pond with a stack of scrap paper and sketch them for an hour. For some reason, they remind me of plumbers! But their tails are hard to draw — they come out like ludicrous pancakes."
A Second Letter
Dear Guy with a Bird Name:
When you call an insurance company or Sears and they put you on hold, there’s never a message: "We are now putting you on hold, where you will languish for 20 minutes, listening to grotesque pop music from 1983." The recording always says: "Please hold; a representative will be with you shortly" — as if you’re putting yourself on hold! These companies must use this language, to prevent revolts.
G. C.
Swan
"A pair of swans summered with us, when I was a boy," Lyle Teggert confided. "I’ll never forget a swan sitting on the tractor seat one morning."
Shandaken Poetry Consolations
Sky
The sky is "the expanse of air over any point on earth."*
Therefore, we live in the sky.
– Myra Brockenfier
*The American Heritage Dictionary of the English Language, Third Edition, 1992
Spring
Flowers like showers
Eggs are hatching and scratching
In Spring birds like to sing
Flowers are growing, rivers are flowing
Birds start to fly high in the sky
Swimming in pools, learning in schools
– Jake River Vandercar
Interview with a Candy-Maker
I spoke with Nancy Lezlo, by telephone.
Sparrow: I understand you manufacture edible candles.
Lezlo: Yes. They’re sweet. I call them "candy candles."
Sparrow: What’re they made from?
Lezlo: Marzipan.
Sparrow: And they truly resemble candles?
Lezlo: Exactly. I can’t tell them apart, actually, when I come into a room.
Sparrow: Can you burn these candles?
Lezlo: A lot of people ask me that. No, you can’t.
Sparrow: Where did you get the idea for marzipan tapers?
Lezlo: Didn’t you ever imagine eating a candle, when you were a child?
Sparrow: No.
Lezlo: Well, I was poor; that may have been the reason. I was hungry a lot. One day, I actually did try to eat a candle. It tasted awful.
Sparrow: I can imagine.
Lezlo: So I have fulfilled my youthful wish. Sometimes when new guests visit for dinner, I’ll casually lift up a candle and take a bite. Their eyebrows almost leap off their heads!
For more information, see www.candlesofcandy.com.
Bumper sticker:
UNDERSHIRTS ARE OVERRATED
A Third Letter
Sparrow:
I floss my teeth twice a day. Once in a while, I look in the bathroom trash basket at the pile of discarded floss. It resembles a white beard — the one on my face!
S. T.