Men with the X-factor
20 years of People’s picks for top hunks in Hollywood They are the sexiest men alive, and they’ve been around since 1985. Let’s have a dekko into their oomph—
The high priests
Because three of these guys not only subsequently found God but became defacto representatives of their religion: Mel Gibson (sexiest in 1985; Holy Family Catholicism), Tom Cruise (1990; Scientology) and Richard Gere (1993 and 1999; Tibetan Buddhism). If hottest men are picked If you’re going to pick your religion based upon its Sexiest Man Alive representative — and what better way is there? — I don’t know why you wouldn’t go with Tibetan Buddhism. Gere projects an inner calm, while the other two-act kind of nuts. They’re manic. Gibson, at least, feels slyly manic. Even during the whole “Passion of the Christ debate, even when he was threatening the life of Frank Rich’s dog, there was a wink in there somewhere. Tom Cruise’s manic behavior, in contrast, always feels humorless and combative. If you don’t agree with me I’ll stick my finger in your face! It’s got a Nietzschian Overman quality to it. Man is something to be overcome. He’s doing it; why can’t you? Haven’t you read the research? Richard Gere is also at his best playing unlikable heroes (An Officer and a Gentleman) and villains (Internal Affairs). He has too much inner calm to play nice guys and comes off as bland instead. He was offered the title role of “The Jackal,” a professional assassin, but chose the hero role instead. Bad move. The movie needed his calm cold efficiency to root against. As for Gibson? He was the first Sexiest Man Alive, and remains, for a generation, the hottest man alive. Back then he was known for his impossible Aussie cool (Mad Max) and smoldering sexuality (The Year of Living Dangerously). After the award he became known for comic craziness (the Lethal Weapon series, Hamlet, Conspiracy Theory) and blood-soaked, crucified triumph (Braveheart, The Passion of the Christ). His latest, Apocalypto, currently filming in Mexico, has just been delayed because of heavy rains. Maybe somebody doesn’t like Mel’s movies as much as he thinks.
The TV guys
After Mel Gibson, the Sexiest Man Alive went small rather than big. Screen, that is. Up-and-comers like Dennis Quaid and Kevin Costner were ignored in favor of the likes of Mark Harmon (1986), Harry Hamlin (1987) and John F. Kennedy, Jr. (1988). The first two are mostly known for their TV roles, although the characters they played (on “St. Elsewhere” and “L.A. Law,” respectively), weren’t particularly vivid. Other characters had the quirks; they were calm, handsome epicenters. JFK, Jr. was also a calm, handsome epicenter on a show filled with quirky characters: the 1988 Democratic convention. Years later he reprised the role as the object of Elaine Benes’ affection on “Seinfeld.” Ironic that this, his best performance, wasn’t really him but someone playing him. Who knows? Maybe that’s what his life felt like. The only non-actor to make the cut, he was an inspired choice: essentially American royalty.
The forgotten handsome hunks
Besides acting in Hollywood, the key to becoming the Sexiest Man Alive seems to be buzz. You need to have just done something, or are about to do something, or both, to get anointed. This explains three of the forgotten sexiest men: Sean Connery (1989), Patrick Swayze (1991) and Nick Nolte (1992). Connery had just won the Oscar for The Untouchables and was starring as Indiana Jones’ father in Indiana Jones and the Last Crusade. There’s no doubt that his buzz, and the ‘Sexiest’ title, gave him the clout he needed throughout the 1990s — to make some really bad movies. From Highlander II: The Quickening, through Medicine Man and First Knight, to Entrapment, he was in some visible stinkers. The SMA title seemed to do nothing for Patrick Swayze. After Ghost, his most memorable role of the 1990s was competing against Chris Farley as rival Chippendales dancers on a “Saturday Night Live” skit. Then he went on to such feature films as “City of Hope,” “Fatherhood” and “Three Wishes.” Yeah, I don’t remember them either. Those who know Nick Nolte mostly for his infamously disheveled mugshot a few years back will no doubt be surprised to see him on this list; but in ’92 he’d just made Babs’ “Prince of Tides,” and that film appealed to People’s sentimental demographic. To be honest, I’d like to see more men like Nolte here. He has a “Don’t give a s–t” aura about him. He takes risks and makes good, small movies, and he was memorable as Lieutenant Colonel Gordon Tall in one of the best movies of the 1990s: Terrence Malick’s “The Thin Red Line.” Rent it. Buy it. Live it.
The Golden Age
After Swayze and Nolte, people seemed to reach a dead end, anointing their one-and-only “Sexiest Couple Alive” in ‘93 (Gere and Cindy Crawford), and, like the World Series, not playing at all in ’94. Turns out they were merely retooling. For the next six years, bookended by Brad Pitt in ’95 and Brad Pitt in ’00, they achieved a kind of Golden Age in which all the actors chosen were big stars and good actors whose careers didn’t tailspin afterwards but stayed level or kept rising: Brad, Denzel, George Clooney, Harrison Ford, Richard Gere and Brad again. Not a Harry Hamlin in the bunch. Pitt is the only SMA chosen twice (Gere’s been chosen one and a half times), and, as I’ve written elsewhere, he dealt with the general perception of his sexiness by playing the scuzziest roles possible: Det. David Mills in “Se7en,” Jeffrey Goines in “Twelve Monkeys,” Tyler Durdan in “Fight Club” and Mickey O’Neil in “Snatch.” Denzel also does scuzzy well but his most memorable roles are intense ones: “Glory,” “Malcolm X,” “He Got Game,” “Training Day” and “Inside Man.” He’s a competitive sonofabitch and he’s best playing competitive sons of bitches. Lately he’s specialized in the hero we’re not sure is a hero: “Remember the Titans” and “Man on Fire” and the like. The Jackie Robinson of the group, he’s still waiting for a Larry Doby (or a Roberto Clemente or an Ichiro Suzuki) to be called up. And all the while Terrence Howard is tearing up the minors. According to most, George Clooney would win this thing every year. Besides being suave, liberal and better-looking in a tux than James Bond, he may be the funniest Sexiest Man Alive (see: “O Brother, Where Art Thou?”). Which shows what women mean when they say they find a sense of humor “sexy.” Fineprint: If you also happen to look like George Clooney. Unlike the others in this group, Harrison Ford was chosen at what looks like the tail-end of his career. His best roles were 20 and 30 years ago, and he hasn’t made a decent film since “The Fugitive” in ’93. He needs to realize he’s not 40 anymore. Or 50. Or 60.
The forgotten sexiest men
Lately it feels like we’ve entered another fallow period in the Sexiest Man Alive sweepstakes. The most recent group of actors may have the looks but not the weight, and maybe not the longevity. They feel like women’s men as opposed to men’s men. No Russell Crowe, for example, or Javier Bardem or Clive Owen. Pierce Brosnan (2001) was a good choice, our second-best Bond ever, and he may wind up in the Golden Age category someday. But since him we’ve gotten the fallen half of Bennifer, Ben Affleck (2002), the sudden, box-office Pirate of the Caribbean, Johnny Depp (2003), and Alfie Redux, Jude Law (2004). The odd thing about Depp and Law is that while they’re great actors they rarely play sexy. Depp, in particular, usually plays odd, asexual Tim Burton man-boys. All elbows. Not sexy. The most recent Sexiest Man Alive, Matthew McConaughey, is another actor who’s got looks and a killer smile, and can certainly act (see: “Dazed and Confused”), and certainly has star quality (see: “Lone Star”), but he’s yet to carry a movie. And how can the first movie being promoted by the Sexiest Man Alive be something called “Failure to Launch”? Somebody in marketing is not doing their job.
Think global, act local
So perhaps it’s time to retool again. Perhaps People can do the unthinkable and go outside the acting community to find their Sexiest Man Alive. Aren’t there sexy athletes? Singers? Politicians? Firemen? Teachers? Chauffeurs? Postmen? Insurance underwriters? Surely some of these guys can’t be worse than Ben Affleck. A better alternative, of course, is for women everywhere to put down the gossip rags and find their own Sexiest Man Alive. It would be like the environmental dictate “Think Global, Act Local,” but, you know, sexier. And ladies? Please be gentle when anointing. Although never Sexiest Man Alive, Erik Lundegaard did place second to Dave Paulson for “Biggest Bookworm” at Bryant Junior High School.
Leave Your Comments