Oh, sure, I resisted hoppin’ on the Sarah Palin bandwagon, but I’ve come around. It was my fault, of course. I was indoctrinated with that elitist mindset for so long – I used to work for one of those fancy newspapers, with all those facts and things, and I guess I just sipped too much of that reality Kool-Aid. It took me a while to detox. God, it’s so liberatin’ to be free of those old biases, those old, you know, limits.
Because – and it’s humiliatin’ to think I didn’t get this right away – Gov. Palin is absolutely right: The bedrock of this great nation of ours is the average people, the Joe and Jill Six-Packs (and we’re not talkin’ about any of your pinko microbrews, either; we’re talking Budweiser). Why shouldn’t they be runnin’ things? Who else understands true Americans’ dreams? These specialists on foreign affairs, these constitutional scholars, these economics experts, these English majors who think it’s so important to speak in complete sentences – what do they know about the needs of real folks? And these community organizers! Oh, don’t get me started. You want a community, just look at the guys at the local bar – they don’t need no organizin’.
So I’m for Palin all the way now. And I feel so excited, so liberated, by this new way of thinking that I’m sure as hell not gonna stop at the voting booth. No more “highly qualified” doctors for me (those are just code words for “elite,” and you know it). I’m going to the doctor I met down at the bowlin’ alley. If I need a surgeon, the guy at the bar who tells such a good joke is the one for me. A plumber? That nice guy I met at Wal-Mart seems perfect. An investment adviser? My friend’s mother-in-law’s cousin makes a mean moose stew, so I’ll go with her.
Remember: We’ve had a man, just one of the guys, runnin’ the government for eight years (did ya see how he juts chest out when he struts up to the lectern? Sexy!), and look what great shape we’re in.