FISHING
Tony and Harold, two avid fisherman and well-known drunks, were out in a boat on their favorite lake one day drowning some worms and polishing off some brews. Suddenly, Tony got what he thought was a nibble. Reeling it in he found a bottle with a cork in it. Naturally curious, he uncorked the bottle and a large genie appeared. The genie said “I will grant you one wish.” Tony thought for a second and said “I wish this whole lake was beer.” Poof! His wish came true. The lake was now filled with their favorite brew. Harold looked at Tony in disgust and said “you asshole, now we have to piss in the boat.”
THE FERRET
A man walks into a bar with a ferret on his shoulder. He sits down at the bar and orders a beer. The bartender gives him a beer and curiously asks, “What’s with the ferret buddy?” To which the man answers, “This ferret gives the best blowjob I’ve ever had!” The bartender, looking at the man disgustingly, yells at him. “Take your rat and get the @#$% out of here you sicko!!!” “You don’t understand.” says the man. “Just take this ferret in the back, and if you aren’t satisfied, I’ll get the %$#@ out.” So the bartender agrees and goes into the back. 15 minutes later, he comes out sweating. “WOW! That was the best blowjob I’ve ever had!” said the bartender. “I’ll give you $500 for it.” The man thinks about it and says, “No I’d don’t think I could part with it.” So the bartender keeps raising his offer until he reaches $5000. “Okay, I’ll sell it to you for $5000.” Said the man. So right after the man leaves, the bartender closes up early and goes home.
As he gets through the front door, his wife is standing there. “What’s that animal you’ve got there?” His wife asked, to which he replied, “Teach it to cook, and GET THE %$#@ OUT!!!”
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