Love the uncontrollable human emotion produced in the brain yet associated with the heart. For years researches and everyday people have sought the answer to the worlds biggest conundrum, what is the definition of love. Before diagnosing love, I would like to introduce you to a certain type of psychology called Cognitive Psychology. Cognitive Psychology was first introduced by a psychologist named Gestalt.
Gestalt summed psychology as whole vs. part, comparing the brain to computers. He believed the way we process the stimuli (things we see) into our brain is parallel to the way computers compute binary language. Storing the information processed, we then have the ability to retrieve it when needed. This is important when measuring love today in the year 2010, in contrast to the 60s, with the Humanistic Psychology of the happy hippie love your neighbor views.
Love today is not only a task to achieve it is a process that has become so cognitive through its incline it could take years until finally a person evaluates love. According to a movie called “Love Actually” there are 12 types of love. The y are platonic, take for granted, infatuation, cheating love, sacrificial love, long distance love, physical love, familial love, workplace love, love at first sight, marital love and unrequited love. With so many opportunities to fall in love, why is it so hard for people to find it? Needless to say this movie isn’t to far off of a psychological theory introduced by Social Psychologist named Sternberg, who believes “Love is not stagnant it changes.” According to Sternberg’s theory love in one year will be different then love 10 years from now.
True love, also known in Sternberg’s theory as consummate love is made of three elements. The first element is passion the spark, the sex in a relationship. Intimacy is the second emotion often confused with passion. Intimacy is the closeness feelings of letting someone in. It is the “talking” in a relationship. The third and most important element when diagnosing love is commitment. A commitment doesn’t necessarily mean marriage. According to Sternberg, committing to a future together or the feeling of long term sense of stability is also a form of commitment
The question is the same, how do you tell what type of love you are smitten with? Sternberg defined love as follows: Intimacy, (passion only), Liking (intimacy only no sexual attraction) romantic (passion and intimacy) compassionate (intimacy and commitment) (best friends) Fatuous (passion and commitment minus intimacy) empty (married for ever commitment is gone) and consummate love (true love passion intimacy and commitment.)
Perhaps you have heard of the famous psychologists Harlow and his monkey theory. Harlow linked childhood behavior and memory to the relationships we build today. He did so by using monkeys because they mimic our human maternal instincts. Harlow believes how we choose relationships derives from the years of processing the stimuli you have encountered. He also believes through in his attachment theories that our childhood relationships with our parents, plays a major role in how you react to people as an adult. Proximity also plays a major part in love. The closer you are to a person the more likely you will have “attraction.” Sternberg’s “Triangular Theory,” has surprisingly also linked the humanistic behavior to seek friends who are similarly attractive to them. Perhaps this behavior explains why attractive people seek attractive mates. Although research has also pointed out men tend to seek attractive friends more than women do, they unlike woman who have the same physical attraction levels, are more likely to admit to this. This theory also applies to the associates we keep and people with whom we choose to speak.
One must also remember that we tend to date the same types of people we make friends with. To put it simply, we respond to people who respond to us. The saying is true and has been proven birds of a feather do flock together. Thus you are likely to build stronger relationships and love with people who are similar to whom you are.
One must also remember that we tend to date the same types of people we make friends with. To put it simply, we respond to people who respond to us. The saying is true and has been proven birds of a feather do flock together. Thus you are likely to build stronger relationships and love with people who are similar to whom you are.
Years ago I found myself saying love from a mother is the same as love from a child; it is just given from different perspectives. There is a ring of truth to this according to Sternberg’s theory. Motherly love or love from your sister is different then the love of your mate, being that it lacks passion (sex). This love could never reach the level of true love or consummate. Yet If something were to alter your “connection” you would mourn as if it were the loss of consummate love.
Thus proving Sternberg’s theory yet again, that there are many types of love, yet love is what you put into it.
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