I often find myself wondering how it came to be like this for me.
I’m a 22-year-old college graduate, and I already feel like I’m making the transition from being a free-thinking intellectual to becoming yet another one of the millions of drones who move to and fro every morning to sit behind a desk. I’m becoming a slave to the 9-to-5 world and, truth be told, I don’t like it all that much. First off, my job’s not exactly a 9-to-5. It’s more of an 8:30-to-often-long-past-5 job. I sit in front of a computer (actually 2 computers) for most of the day and perform various and sundry tasks, and then at the end of the day I leave, often feeling that I’ve barely accomplished anything, go to the gym if I have the energy, and then go home and sit around in front of my computer all night. I surf the Internet too much, spend more time on a dating site than I care to admit (yes, I took the plunge), and watch too much TV in the process, only to go to bed and wake up the next morning to repeat the same process. Sure, I had a schedule in college, but at least I could change things up each day. If it was nice out when a class was over, I’d lay out in the grass instead of doing work, or walk barefoot through the fountain by the library tower. I was happy during those days, and I miss them dearly.
I’m often told that we have to eventually face the real world and join the workforce, and I understand that. I understand that one day I’ll be working at an architecture firm where I’m sure I’ll be spending many a late night in the office, and will probably be sleeping under my desk now and then. That’s the nature of the beast. But is that something I should really be subjecting to myself at age 22? By the time the week is over, I feel so jaded and disconnected that all I want to do is – you guessed it – lay around and do more of the same old brain frying things I do after getting home from work. My social life is in disarray, and I haven’t gotten a decent night’s sleep in as long as I can remember, but I don’t feel up to the task of remedying my problems, choosing to wallow in them instead. It doesn’t help me, and it doesn’t help the people around me either. I’ve seen the same thing happen with lots of my friends. We’re a generation who are no longer in tune with the mindset of the current working world. We need a change of some kind.
America is a very uptight nation. Just go to New York City and see how some of the people walk around. They’re double-timing it as if they’re in a speedwalking competition. Everyone’s got somewhere to be, and everyone’s in a rush. When’s the last time you saw a suit-clad businessman stop to look at some flowers in the park and just marvel at their beauty? When’s the last time he turned off that damn Blackberry? I understand that we have a need to stay connected and stay in touch with the world. I’ve had that need too for quite some time, but there are days where I wish everything could just go out, if only for a day. No computers, no Internet, no cell phones…a day where we can notice some of the other things that are important in the world: things like nature and the actual people all around us. It’s a stupid, idealistic fantasy, and I know that, but it would be nice. I just need ways to reconcile the freer version of me with the professional version. I want to work, because it will help me immensely for graduate school, but I need to find ways to maintain that more youthful ideology so I don’t lose my mind. Having a larger friend base would help so I could go places more often.
Until my post a few days ago, I hadn’t posted anything since I graduated school. I didn’t even get a week off before starting work (only 3 business days), and I’m still a little pissed about that, because all I wanted was just one measley week. I had been thrust into the professional world, and I felt the pressure instantaneously (between work and family issues). The drain came hard, and I’m slowly recuperating. Hopefully I’ll be able to post on here with some more regularity, because I’ve missed doing this.
I have a Sticky note in my iPod that says "Things To Do." And after my list, whatever it’s contents may be, I have written "Get life back on track." It’s about time I did that.
Now I just need to figure out how.