The 2006 holiday season saw an unprecedented surge in the sale of next-generation video game systems and enormous stuffed ponies. But what of the parents who waited to start their holiday shopping? They were forced to choose from among the unfortunate dregs of the holiday sales push. Without further ado, the most returned toys of the 2006 holiday season:
- Examine My Prostate Elmo – In this educational toy, Elmo breaks out in fits of totally inappropriate giggles as you attempt to examine his prostate for swelling and other abnormalities.
- Nerf Pocket Rocket – This codpiece-style strap-on weapon fires foam rockets. Unfortunately, the product occasionally backfires.
- Baby’s First Microbrewery – Marketed as both an early introduction to an enriching hobby and a great way to shut the kids up.
- Scrotal Bedazzler – Unfortunately, proved far less popular than its sister product, Vaginal Folds Bedazzler
- The All New Adventures of Joe Camel – Ever since Joe quit smoking, he hasn’t been able to keep pace with the popularity of his wacky peer in the children’s entertainment industry, Mescaline-Munching Monkey.
- Eight Weeks Premature Baby Doll – Comes complete with an incubator and lifelike, sudden infant death syndrome action.
- Magical Vibrating Unicorn Horn – Proved extraordinarily popular until a mysterious recall forced it from the clutches of screaming girls across the nation.
- Ballpoint Pen and Needle Home Tattooing Kit – The manufacturers of this product missed the boat with this late entry into the home-tattooing craze.
- Tapeworm Farm – The marketing slogan, "Parasitically infectious fun for the whole family" proved more than just figurative.
- Remington 22-caliber Automatic – Apparently, not actually a toy.
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