I don’t know about you but I think mums say the funniest things. “What do you mean?” I hear you ask, well read on and I’ll explain it to you.
Let’s start at the beginning shall we. My mum, like all mums, would get annoyed with us from time to time, well quite a few times actually. We’d be doing what kids do, you know, making the most ear-splitting racket, having fun and other great stuff when suddenly without warning you hear
“Stop that row, mummy’s got a headache.”
Ohhhhhhhh mums head hurts, instant come on for the kids who start making even more noise. Well you may get away with it for 5 minutes, if you’re lucky, but usually – CLUMP – OWWWWW – WAHHHHHHHH. Mums hand just connected with the back of your legs causing an instant sting and watery eyes. Now you’re crying and it’s even louder than the noise you were making before. Here it comes,
“Stop it or I’ll give you something to cry for.”
Hello mum, you just did. DUHH!!!
But that’s not the best of it, oh no. You could be quite innocently making mud pies, complete with worms, on the living room carpet and she’s off again. This time it’s the biggy,
“If that’s not cleared up in 2 seconds I’ll tell your dad.”
Be real mum, how on earth can I sort this out in 2 seconds? You just know that dads going to have something to say about this don’t you.
OK so we’ve looked at the smack on the legs, offering you something to cry for and the threat of dad so what next? Mums are quite predictable really because, it doesn’t matter what you’re doing, you sort of always know what they are going to say. Like when you totter along the garden wall and she shout through the kitchen window,
“When you fall off that wall and break your leg don’t come running to me.”
Like that’s going to happen, no not the falling off the wall but the running with the broken leg. Come on mum, how about you think before you say stuff like that. But she never does, does she.
The next one really proves that and it’s great. You go out on your bike or your roller skates and fall off of them. Your legs and elbows are scuffed and, yes there is blood because you squeezed it to make sure, hoping for some sympathy. What does mum say? Here she comes armed with a wet flannel and those ever so comforting words
“Has your leg dropped off?”
When you answer no she very quickly replies
“Well it’s not that bad then is it.”
“But it’s bleeding,” you say, squeezing it a bit more, “and it stings loads.”
“You’ll be fine,” she says “Off you go and be more careful this time.”
Now all of these are bad enough but there is one thing that mums say and I have to ask WHY??? You know when she takes you shopping and you just don’t do anything that you’re told. She asks you to stop taking things off the shelf, she tells you that you really don’t need more than one packet of biscuits and then she says
“This is the last time that I’m going to tell you. Just behave yourself.”
Right about now she’s starting to sound just a little bit rattled so you decide to walk quietly next to her. Then the old lady with the trolley rams into you and it hurts. Of course you are going to start whimpering and getting a bit grizzly aren’t you. What does mum do? Instead of asking the old lady to apologise she looks you straight in the eye and says
“Just stop that. Do you want a smack?”
What an absolutely stupid question. What does she expect you to say?
“Oh all right then, as long as it doesn’t hurt too much.” Or
“Why not, I haven’t got anything better to do right now.”
Mum, get a grip on reality. You have to understand that no child is going to volunteer to have a smack are they.
Well now I hope that you see what I mean when I say that mums say the funniest things. I think that all mums are really Grade A candidates for the funny farm.
Good grief, I’ve just realised something and I bet you have too. This is all too familiar, we are becoming our mums.
HELP!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!