When it comes to the coming out of the battle of relationships the most commonly asked questions are …"How could they do this to me"…."I never deserved this"…. "I would never do this to someone else".
People need to reflect on these commonly asked questions. I’m always thinking to myself what am I doing to attract these people and these things into my life. It’s simple…think of it as karma.
All this time I’ve been feeling sorry for myself because of the patterns I have created myself. I generally despise men, I believe they deserve to be hurt simply because I guarantee that they have hurt a niave young girl who doesn’t know any better. I keep them at a comfortable distance for the reason I keep convincing myself of… I don’t trust them.The truth of the matter, my latest discovery….I don’t trust myself.
I have done these things so many times which makes me just as deserving of these things happening to me. Whatever I dream up in my head, is exactly the way it turns out. I am gettin exactly what I wish for. If these situations didn’t arise then I would still be dealing with the "getting rid of" part of a relationship. I ask for any way out in order to make them the asshole, when really I have done the same, worse, or wrong in some way. I’m always looking to blame the other person…when really the blame lies equally on myself.
In my latest few situations, I was running scared, completely terrified of any commitment or seriousness of the "friendship" I was pursueing. The person involved in these "friendships" repeatidly ended up with an Ex. Which didn’t bother me in anyway, shape, or form. I took it as a compliment, I love being the one that you can’t handle. The only reason I am talking about it is because it gave me the oppurtunity to reflect and analyze why people might do the things that they do.
Entering the single world once again after a failed relationship (one that you thought coulda been "the one") is a very intimidating sinario. Most commonly, where do people turn in this time of confusion and loneliness… they turn to what I consider their comfort zone….The EX. Knowingly, that it is something that never worked in the past and will most likely not work in the future, they figure its easier than the exploring required to discover what they really want, need and deserve in a relationship. I thought to myself I would never do this especially while hurting or confusing someone else involved. Thats when it hit me… I do! I have! and I most likely will again and could be right now!
Human kind is to scared to attempt a new discovery which results in them resorting to the already discovered. At least this way there won’t be any surprises right…WRONG. The surprise lies in the discovering of all the bits and pieces of yourself. Take a good look, think long and hard about your patterns. The fact that maybe…just maybe, you’re avoiding any growing and/or growing up. Or that maybe….just maybe you’re to simple to attempt a challenge…that the discovering of a new person requires you to rediscover yourself which leaves just like a dog with his tail between his legs.
Don’t you think it’s time to wag your tail. Don’t you think it’s time to challenge your personality and character. Don’t you think it’s time to discover who you constantly convince yourself you already are. Life is short…Patterns are long. The easy wait out…is just the boring way in. Isn’t the saying live life to the fullest….Not live life in your closest comfort zone. Saying your spontaneous doesn’t prove anything.
After this, I promised myself I’m not going to toy with people’s emotions anymore. Because as much as I found every reason in the world to justify it, I’ve now realized that while I’m toying with theirs, I’m affecting my own emotions, desires, beliefs. I’m altering myself just so I can get you close enough…to destroy you. Heartache to me is passion and feeling in life. I want people to feel and experience passion. Unfortunatley, now I’ve realized that by me doing this…just when the going gets good, they run to comfort. You can’t open a clam shell against their will…it must be broken and destroyed to get in.
Now everyone who read this, I hope you take a moment to reflect. This is a challenge…do you have a personality thats required to attempt a new discovery. If not thats ok to, maybe you and the ex your about to call after your sad little break- up can make it work this time….just remember it’ll work if you keep it simple. But for me…I can’t stand simple, I’m ready to accept and brand new and undiscovered passion in my life…Happiness isn’t found in fixin the unhappy past. Best of Luck….
Miranda Dahl