More endearingly known as “Robot” by his Japanese ninja colleagues who have a hard time pronouncing the “er” in his first name, Robert Kim is a waiter at Ninja New York, a Japanese restaurant in the basement of 25 Hudson Street in Tribeca.
Dressed in what he calls his “18 piece, Ninja by Marc Jacobs suit, complete with MC Hammer Pants, a karate top, a strange cumber-bun thing, and arm and leg bands probably made in China with lead paint,” Kim, like any other waiter, takes orders and serves food, but also wields a katana, (a Japanese long-sword), launches fireballs into the air, and nimbly climbs the restaurant walls to hide in crevices and suddenly scare passing customers on their way out of the bathroom.
“We always do it on their way out — you never know what can happen to someone who gets scared on their way into the bathroom,” said Kim, pointing to his hiding areas in the ceiling of the manmade, lantern-lit, rock and bamboo bestrewn recreation of a ninja village.
Kim works 5 to 6 days a week from 5 to midnight. Upon arrival, he changes into his ninja suit, sets chopsticks out on the tables, and pulls his pin-straight shoulder length black hair into a ninja-looking half-ponytail at the back of his head. Though Kim will occasionally light his waiter’s notebook on fire while asking customers if they’d like to try the “hot appetizers,” or with his ninja magic, make smoke appear from a grapefruit dessert speared with a small sword, Kim generally likes to think of himself as the anti-ninja.
“When customers ask if I can do back flips and stuff, I tell them that I’m only trained in the ancient arts of Powerpoint, Word, and Excel,” he said. “Sometimes I tell them that I’m got my degree in ninjutsu at the Phoenix online university, and that I’ll soon be returning for another in forensic astronomy. Not everyone gets it, but some people enjoy it.”
Kim explained that when most customers arrive at Ninja New York, they don’t really know what to expect. They are escorted down a small elevator that gets increasingly darker as they approach the basement dining level, and are usually startled by a katana- wielding ninja the very moment the elevator doors open. After passing through a secret ninja passage where more ninja roguery is likely to transpire, they are led to dine in their private and very ambient ninja chambers.
A quick glance at the ninja scroll menu reveals that Ninja New York is not cheap. With sushi tasting menus up to $200 a head and a selective wine list, top-notch service and a quality menu are far more important than ninja moves.
“Because of the layout in some of the ninja chambers, it’s hard to always serve from the left and pick up from the right, as is always done in finer restaurants, but we still prioritize customer service over entertainment,” said Kim.
20 minutes before Ninja New York opens for the evening, Kim can be found polishing glasses with a hot towel. During this activity, which could easily be mistaken as ninjutsu, Kim’s hands furiously whisk around the glasses, down into their core, and back out around their base before being placed on the shelf. Though he spends most of his time at the restaurant, Kim’s role as a ninja doesn’t always end when he leaves work for the night.
“Sometimes people recognize me on the street during the day and they seem shocked to see me taking the subway and doing normal things. People get really crazy over ninjas — I’m sorry to deceive, but this ninja likes X-Box, Arrested Development, and Adam Sandler movies.”
Kim explained that customers can get very serious over the ninja theme. They’ll occasionally come in dressed up or wearing funny shirts that say ‘strictly for mah ninjas’ or ‘ninjas with attitude.’
“Everyone loves ninjas,” Kim said. “They’re way cooler than pirates. Pirates are only good in the sea, but ninjas can fight on any surface.”
According to Kim’s fellow ninjas, Kim is esteemed as one of the ninja leaders. “He taught me how to use a sword, where to hide — Robert is the smart one, he’s like our Donatello,” said Jonathan Joseph, a food runner ninja recently hired at the restaurant.
But Kim, forever the anti-ninja, modestly rebukes, “I’m probably the least stealthy ninja in this place, can’t you hear my shoes squeak as I walk?”
Kim’s shoes do squeak as he walks, but whatever stealth he loses from this is more than gained by his mental stealth, or “ninjenuity.”
To entertain customers, Kim often challenges them to come up with “ninja” words. A few favorites are “nintelligence” “nindependence” and “ningivitis.”
Aside from the pleasant ambience, Ninja New York offers a dappled menu of Japanese-fusion foods sure to please many different discerning palates. It is advisable to eat everything at a steady pace, however, as precipitated intake is likely to result in “nindigestion.”
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