Hillary Clinton has been asking continually, over the last few weeks, "What if the phone rings at 3 a.m. in the White House — who will be ready to answer the call?" I realize this question is largely directed at Barack, her primary rival, but as a Presidential candidate, I feel I’m also being questioned. So allow me to answer.
In fact, numerous people have called me at 3 a.m., over the years. I am 54, and have lived with a telephone my entire life. And I’ll tell you what I do when the phone rings at 3 a.m. I ignore it!
I’m going to be a President who sleeps through the night, to be fresh for any crises in the morning. Now I ask you, how many major world-historical events happened at 3 a.m.? To find the answer, I Googled "world-historical events that happened at 3 a.m." and here’s what I discovered: although I received 16,700 "results," the very first one was the essay "Faith in God and Man After Auschwitz: Theological Implications" by Emil L. Fackenheim. In this long rumination, Fackenheim refers to an obscure Berlin priest named Bernhard Lichtenberg who, on his way to Dachau, "was given last rites and died at 6 a.m. on November 3, 1943".
You see! The very first "result" was not only a non-world historical event (as far as I can tell) but it happened at 6 a.m.! I rest my case.
Now, I do not admire President George W. Bush. In fact, I consider him a Satan-possessed Texo-fascist jerkoff! However, we agree on one issue: the importance of a good night’s sleep.
And look how much Bush himself has accomplished, without interrupting his steady eight-hours-per-night: two major unending wars, dismantling the United States Constitution, the largest deficit in the history of planet Earth, etc. Waking at 3 a.m. is highly overrated.
Choose a President Who Proudly Ignores All Annoying 3 A.M. Phone Calls! Sparrow for Prez!
Sparrow is poet living in upstate New York and a 2008 presidential candidate on the "Sudoko for All" platform.
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