All of my life I have had strife. There has been no one defining moment where I can say that my life had turned for the better. It seemed to always be on this course, even though others were aware of it I was oblivious to life’s intent.
I was born in the beginning as an average babe to less than average parents and in circumstances that were not beneficial to the raising of a child. I never knew my father and my mother was only sixteen when she had me. What kind of life could I truly expect?
There were many beatings from many men that placed themselves into the place of my father. Indeed, I had been beaten with survival knives, broomsticks, switches, and other weapons I will not divulge here. Nevertheless, I would have taken those beatings two fold if it would have saved my brothers and sisters from the wicked sexual desires of the many stepfathers we had.
There were no escapes and no reprieves from the punishments that would come upon us. We did nothing inherently wrong, perhaps the occasional stepping into a mud puddle on the way home from school. It was enough to ignite the fire of Hell in our stepfather’s eyes and we knew that we would be feeling his rage and our pain.
Fortunately, I was pretty astute and I began to realize that I in fact I was just average. No matter how much hope those old comic books gave me, I was indeed only average. I am of average height, average intelligence, simply average in every way and in many others less than that.
There was a time when I thought more of myself and granted myself worth which was undeserved and unwarranted. I have come to the conclusion that I am but average. Now, the man I would be would have to be courageous and confident. I would know that which I believe, and there would be no shaking the structure upon which my beliefs are laid upon.
Indeed, I would have God almighty walk with me and say to me "what a fine job you do, you are indeed one of my children and you dispense justice where there is none." I would follow God and have no doubts whatsoever, because I know that in all things he is right and all of his words are true.
But alas, I am stuck in this flesh just as you are and while in this flesh there can be no perfection. There is only strife, frustration, and learning, and no man will be perfected in this plane of existence. So I insanely try to be what I cannot and I only wait for the promise of the Lord that these dark days will end.
I pray with all of my heart that the Lord looks upon me in my filthy degraded flesh and says to me, "You are clean by the blood of the Lamb and you are one of my children, stand and be clothed in my light."