Subtle suicide takes many forms, but it exhibits itself in self destructive behaviors, like smoking cigarettes, and drinking alcohol. Both very slow forms of suicide when you really think about it!
Suicide (Latin: suicidium, from sui caedere, “to kill oneself”) is the act of intentionally causing one’s own death. But there is another type of suicide that is much more subtle. It affects millions of people who would generally not consider themselves suicidal.
I see this come up time and time again in some of the people I talk to about suicide. It is reflected in very subtle ways. In fact if your not extremely careful you might miss it, unless your actively listening.
Its often times is implied in the kind of statements they are making. For example:
* “I am not suicidal, I don’t want to kill myself or others, BUT I have no plans to stop drinking alcohol or quit smoking two packs of cigarettes a day – even though I am aware of the health risks involved.”
* “If I die, oh well! Nobody gives a $#@& anyway!”
In other words its the subtle process of self destruction we often engage in repeatedly over a substantial period of time.
Its a pattern of set behaviors (i.e smoking, drinking, using drugs, avoiding seeing the doctor, gambling, self mutilation) that is generally recognized by others as harmful and self destructive.
In most cases subtle suicide is either conscious or unconscious.
For example in the early stages, we might not even be aware that our behavior fits a pattern of subtle suicide. We may even be completely unaware that a part of us wishes to self destruct in the first place. This is not necessarily a form of self denial, so much as they are genuinely unaware of the ramifications of what they are doing to themselves. Even to us it may seem painfully obvious.
Further complicating matters there is no one single cause to subtle suicide. It comes from a variety of sources, including traumatic events, emotional neglect, personal loss through death of someone close to us, disability, a person’s feelings of guilt or shame..etc.
In many cases people linger with this condition for many years, even decades until they finally die from it or other causes.
It needs to be distinguished from the relatively brief reactions of some acute loss or stress which some people can recover from rather quickly with the right support and treatment.
Others deteriorate under the same or similar circumstances to the point of overt suicide. So it is not a one size fits all approach.
The course depends on factors unique to the individual, like personality types, cultural upbringing, the quality of their individual support systems, professional intervention and treatment, as well the type of treatment involved and whether or not the patient is actively involved in his or her own treatment by the doctor or therapist.
Inevitably subtle suicide victims suffer negative thoughts and feelings. They tend towards being pessimistic individuals who suffer very low self esteem.
Invariably those who suffer from this condition (or affliction) alienate themselves from family, friends and coworkers and even health care professional.
Through their display of self sabotaging behavior, they often frustrate people around them including care givers who could view them as lazy or indecisive or both. Even to the point of compassion fatigue! So you have to be very careful!
Factors that appear to protect people from subtle suicide tendencies include the following:
1) Developing a sense of purpose or meaning in life.
2) Feeling hopeful and optimistic about living and the future.
3) Being relatively free from psychological trauma and physical pain.
4) Developing a generally positive self concept.
5) Feeling capable to meet life challenges head on.
6) Having a “positive” social support system that is not too dysfunctional.
Treatment options vary but as a general rule helping people become aware of the concept of subtle suicide and recognizing their tendencies in that direction can help people become empowered, feel better and less isolated in their pain.
Their awareness of this condition helps them to be able to ask themselves basic questions about how their behaviors could be turned around in a more positive direction. For example:
1) Do I really want to kill myself slowly?
2) Do I still have something to offer others?
3) Can I still contribute to society in a positive way?
4) Is my lack of progress due to my ambivalence about living life, as opposed to therapeutic or medication ineffectiveness?
5) How can I better cope with stress in life rather to engage in self destructive behaviors that undermine my physical and emotional health (do I really need that cigarette right now)?