“Custody cases try you; you don’t try custody cases.”
This observation from an older lawyer years ago isn’t far off the mark. Custody cases are tough for the parents, the lawyers, and even the judge.
1. Everything matters.
Most jurisdictions follow the ‘best interests’ of the child standard for deciding custody cases. While it sounds self evident that this should be the standard, the result is that the test is so broad as to encompass everything as relevant. Matters from judgment to conduct to health to family history become open to inquiry.
This means everything the parent may have done can be scrutinized, but it also means everything the parent is doing can be questioned as well. Often, the parent begins to consult with the lawyer more and more on everyday matters to make sure they are protecting themselves. It can be a nerve-racking process.
2. Contested cases get ugly.
In the majority of the cases, both parents are good, loving parents. But some judges don’t favor joint custody, and there is only so much time and care to divide. What can be done?
Horribly unfortunate, but sometimes the case becomes a matter of who can prove they are the better parent, and this results in showing negatives about the other parent. And with the parties’ children’s lives involved, the stakes are intense. The gloves come off.
Often forgotten in the heat of the battle is the aftermath. There will come a time when the case concludes. The parties will have to continue as parents even though they are no longer together. If they have been vicious during the case, then it will be a huge challenge getting past that.
3. The children are the innocent victims.
Children are much more perceptive than we usually give them credit for.
No matter how hard the parents may try, inevitably the stress and conflict makes its way into the children’s lives. Every effort should be made to shield the children from these issues.
Often, guardian ad litems and/or counselors are an important help in these difficult situations.
Nick Nichols is a divorce attorney with nearly 3 decades of experience. His debut novel, Broken Promises, is an intense and emotionally charged thriller about an ambitious young lawyer with a case that will catapult his career or ruin his life.