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We Are the Climate Change We Have Been Waiting For

Time was, the intelligently informed people, those with at least some semblance of scientific literacy, rightly referred to climate change as…well, as climate change.

And, as a matter of fact, only the Northern Hemisphere is (or was) experiencing any measurable warming trend (a paltry 0.31 deg F rise per decade since 1977, people), and even then it’s experiencing that trend only in pockets.

The intelligently informed did not call climate change "AGW", for they had and still have serious doubts about whether or not human beings are making any contribution of any significance whatsoever to the changing climate. What’s more, AGW (anthropocentric global warming) deliberately conjures up images of hysteria and panic; the intelligent aren’t panicing about climate change because: it has not been established scientifically that there is anything to panic about; and, what good would it do to panic when what needs to be done is make adjustments?

So, I was struck by the fact, while listening to the news yesterday that the AGW crew is now calling climate change "climate change".

When fear mongers with a hidden agenda who are pulling off the greatest fraud in recorded human history and attempting a shakedown of unprecedented proportions while they attempt to establish a new religion start calling something of importance to them by its rightful name, you know that you had better clutch your wallet tightly.

The explanation for their new terminology soon became clear: given that statistically, "global warming" stopped 10 years ago, and given that many of us are just now emerging from a record books cold winter with record books snowfall, the fraudulent do-gooders are going to lose a great swath of their faithful flock if they continue simpering about "global warming". They now have to acknowledget that the climate is changing in strange ways.

But, ah, like with all frauds and bids for power, they are putting a twist on–that is, they are literally perverting–the phrase "climate change".

It is still all caused by us slow and dense humans (especially the really slow and dense humans like yours truly: those of us who don’t buy it), and the biggest culprit is still our carbon dioxide emissions. But warming can cause cooling. Yes.

Our carbon dioxide emissions cause warming, which causes cooling, which might bring on the new Ice Age that was predicted to already be here and freeze us all to death, but which might also make toast of us all and turn us all into zombies and vampires by 2050, but it might also cause flooding that will drown us all, but it is also driving up the price of every food in the world and so that won’t matter because by 2012 nobody will be able to buy anything anyway and we’ll all be living "intensely local" lives (for the few wicked, brutish, and short years we all have left anyway).

So, we all have to turn our gaze from fighting demostrable human evil and tithe our Green Church and all its Ministers 90% of our income so they can plant trees for us and save us from ourselves because we just can’t so there!

Just remember, we are the climate change that we have all been waiting for!

 

David Brant: Visionary novelist, poet, journalist, and essayist.
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